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real life - solemn processions in

A lot of people think that liturgy has no practical purpose, or no real application to real life.

Wrong.

Here are some ways to incorporate the Solemn Procession into everyday situations.

Borat

Start in Kusek, Kazakhstan. Go to New York, make your way out to California. Come back the way you came and end up back in New York. Return to Kusek.

CD

Start at track 12, but don't listen to it. First listen to track 6, then 3, then 9, then 12.

Grocery store

Once you have a cart full of goodies, the procession is ready to begin. Start at a checkout aisle of your choosing, then process to the rear of the store. From there, head over to the frozen food section. Then work your way all the way back around back to the produce section. Swinging around to the back of the store again, choose a center aisle that will land you back at the checkout.

Houston freeways

Start downtown. Take 288 South. Get on the 610 Loop heading west. Follow it around as it heads North. Get in I-10 heading East. Exit onto 610 Loop (the East side) heading South. Take 45 North back into downtown. Be very wary of executing this procession in rush hour traffic. Perhaps the lead car could be a "PT Crucifer"?

Internet

Start out at one webpage, go to a few others and then head back to that original webpage. You're probably already familiar with this technique.

Movie theater

Start at the box office, buy a ticket. Then head to the bathroom. Then go into the theater where your movie is playing. Then purchase some items from the concession stand. Then head back to the box office. (Keep your ticket stub if you still plan on seeing the film).

McDonalds

Start at the register. Head out through some tables and then turn right. Turn right, walking past the register again, and follow the perimeter of the restaurant around to the right. Head back through the tables and back up to the register to order.

McDonalds drive-thru

Start in the drive-thru, but don't order (awkward if behind other cars). Drive through (ha!) and around the restaurant. Head over to the gas station (gas optional), then drive back to the drive-thru. Politely decline whatever new product they try to push on you.

Middle East

Start by blaming Osama and attack Afghanistan (important: don't find Osama). Then mention Saddam a lot and head over to Iraq. Start threatening to go after Iran. Don't forget to go back to Afghanistan.

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Labels: liturgy, real life

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